hols :)

today is officially the first day of break for me...i have 2 months...i mean, i should be excited n all but i dont feel it just yet...its just the fact that frens arent done yet...but ah well..soon enough...i feel like crap at this moment....what happened last night...yet again, i messed up....i can like remember how many times ive done it already...3 times in 3 weeks...just been feeling so off...n i dont think i should take it out on any1...but sumtimes its just so out of control and i really cant help it..so ive been thinking abt it alot...fear just makes me not be able to do alot of stuff....i just tend to overthink it...consequences...n ive realized im just so undetermined...decide this first, then turn around....honestly, i was just so tired...had like abt 4hrs of sleep...but once it all happend...i couldnt even fall asleep...i lay there...thnking abt it all...the whole feeling like u arent good enough...just the whole guilt trip....i guess its ok to want changes, but maybe it starts with appreciating what is already there....i really dont know...im feeling like all sorts of emotions...mixed feelings that even i cant express....im gonna try....i just wish that i could be a better person...and not let fear get the best of me....