friends? - or not?

the people who you thought were always there-- thing is , they arent anymore..and i honestly couldnt care less....i always beat myself up; for the things other people do...somehow make myself guilty...or feel like i have a reason to be guilty...but thats over with...im tired of having to try to piece everything back together...i honestly cant anymore...i really cant...i wish i could, i wish i could be that shoulder to cry on...whenever needed...or that person you come to when you need advice..but honestly, im so sick of it...and lately...i feel closer to so many people...its like...i can see the sadness...i can sense that something is wrong...that sorta got me thinking...maybe i could do that-- way before this...just that...now im thinking about it...and im gonna start showing that i care....sometimes i just stray away...im stopping that too...this doesnt mean that im not grateful, or not appreciative..and by reading this...it shows that i not only am losing hope in certain people...but im gaining belief in others...and im gonna start letting them know how i really feel..btw, just to post this...cause im in my lovey dovey moods...7 months yesterday...:)...gosh im such a sucker for <3