every little thing.

LOVE - yesterday i was told that i have no idea what it is...and that got me thinking....it upset me...deeply...and i kept wondering; cause its just how i am...i dont think i let go of stuff as easily as i should...i think i normally dont care enough...or when we reach those points, i dont get upset....i sorta act like i dont care...i try so hard to shield myself...so that i wont feel the pain...i do, just that noone sees it...or i dont allow them to....so yesterday was the day that i reached my breaking point....the feeling was horrible....and honestly, im sick of having to say im sorry or for having to say that i'll try...and then it seems like i never even bother at all.....so hence, i feel so caught in the middle...i dont know what to do...i have no idea if i should do anything or do nothing at all; but of course, i know what the right answer is...just that im hesitant....and yes, it still hurts...thats what amazes me...i hardly cry....and its the littlest things that get me started....but ah well...i hope i find the solution..or well am satisfied with what i decide to do....and no its not anything harsh....its just how i wana go about this...right now...i wish i could shout...or scream idk...and say something like....'you seriously have no idea what this has done to me; and you probably never will'....