dissapointing people.

i hate it...i hate the feeling...the feeling of knowing that you're dissapointing someone or that you've dissapointed someone...and in some instances, it isnt even your fault...or well, there wasnt much you could have done...it sucks...like very much...grandparents...thats whats on my mind...no emo stuff...no bf...no friend stuff...for a change...ive been very emotional but not gonna go there; its sorta embaressing plus im trying not to think about it...my grandparents in the US...honestly, i hardly ever think about those who are far away...even friends...cause i just cant...i takes too much of me...it hurts...so i try not to think about it...thinking that thats the best choice...i know it isnt; but im still stubborn..so anyways, my grandma was going on about how she never sees us and stuff like that...i know how hard that must be...not being able to see your child or grandchildren...must feel awful...sometimes i wish i didnt feel so guilty...cause i really do...feel guilty i mean...today was hard...lately ive been saying everyday is hard..i got up wishing i could stay in bed...felt so sick the entire day...so weak...all of a sudden...and like to go downstairs and come back up, takes so much energy...just gonna be happy...about other things...hopefully tomorrow turns out better...just the weak feeling thats making me moody...i hate it...ok enough with the 'i hate it's'....not gonna talk about my day...i just wanna think about stuff...driving myself insane...as usual...urghhhh....