touching the surface

lately things have been so messed up...i have no idea where to begin...need some cheering up...but nvm that...its so hard losing someone...and people barely know this cause i can shield the pain...deep down im a bit too sensitive..the loss of a lecturer...its really sad...my english lecturer was talking about that today; couldnt help but tear..if i didnt get a hold of myself would have broke down....the hardest part was her teaching me only last semester and coming back to the whole 'awkward' phase...people talking about it constantly, messages going out, texts...everyone informing everyone else about it...i guess people deserve to know...at the time i didnt know how to connect the dots...it was like 'you're kidding me'...yet deep down you know its true...and nothing changes that...you know you will never see that person again..and in reality it doesnt quite hit you..at least not that fast...not until you want to see the person, then realize 'he/she isnt there anymore'...the painful part; nothing you do can ever bring them back...then there are the plans...plans of seeing the person...what you plan on telling them...it hurts...one day the person may be there...and the next, it might just be too late...goes to show that life is that short...you will never know when your time is up...if you feel anything or want to say anything to anybody -- go ahead...you have no idea when life will take that turn and it may be too late...then all we hold are the regrets...right now, i want answers...what about that place called heaven? its at times like this that you wonder..as strong as your faith is; you cant help to wonder...are they still living on in a different place, or does it just come to a stop? its scary thinking about it...

this post is dedicated to all those who have lost someone recently: especially to dr.renuka..may she rest in peace...it was a blessing knowing her and we will somehow remember the impact she had on our lives; for that i am grateful.