resolution for 09'

i know..the whole pointless resolution thing..but im not coming up with my usual list of stuff that i always forget when the year ends...and probably have barely achieved...i put serious thought into this and came up with something...so here...my resolution for 09' : push the limits.

combination...

ok...so i think it'll be much easier if i write whatever i've been dying to write..so all the topics i included in the coming soon section...before i start off, i'd like to wish everyone a happy new year 09'!...as usual, i was thinking about resolutions and all that, then heard this segment on the radio...and realized that yeah, most of the time...our resolutions are pointless...'pointless resolutions'...and they had this 5 step guide on how you CAN achieve those resolutions of yours...and of course that included having a few resolutions...not that huge list ( i always have like 10 or so..so i guess i messed it up right there)...then theres the 'setting low goals, so that yes...its easier to achieve them...haha..so then i guess...you can say you've accomplished something...first thought that crosses my mind when i hear that : its cheating...if u set low goals, i dont see the point...cause none or less effort is needed...maybe 09' has made me wiser...haha...thats sorta ridiculous...seeing as how its only the 1st right now...ok so maybe, 08' made me a better person...it definetely was a roller coaster ride...all the tears shed, the laughter, the new beginnings and endings, feeling lost and somehow finding myself again...at the end of the year, someone asked me "do you have any regrets?"...i asked him why he asked me this...and he was saying hes just wondering...i said no...i mean some things got really messed up and of course i'd hope that i would have realized certain things a whole lot sooner, either way i got to where i am because of those choices and mistakes...and i learned from them...so i guess for that, im grateful...im thankful for all the realizations...like how i have nothing to prove to anyone...and should believe in myself...im also really grateful for all the people that came into my life this past year...so when people say ' a person that can change your life'...i believe them...im happy that i have all the people who are in my life...family, friends, my boyfriend...the people who never gave up on me and were always there when i needed it the most....as usual my xmas 08' was just a family affair...it was nice altogether...and new years was awesome...firework show, family and friends...and gosh, all the drama...not that im complaining...if i didnt have that, i have no idea where the inspiration would come from...the times i fell, felt vulnerable, eventually got it all together again...and the things i thought i'd never do in my life...i sing but barely in front of anyone..so those karaoke days...and the bowling days...were all so much fun :)...the gatherings, the outings ( movies, etc)....and the more drinking...the paranoia plus the embaressing stories...but nvm that, save me the torture...still gonna hear about that...my bf got me to do it...and of course, all the fear and stuff was stil there...till i realized it was all ok...the remembering of talking about loads of stuff....but when i think about it, i have no idea what it was...like really...then there are my insane dreams...classes start in a few days...moving back in the dorm...that should be interesting...my downgrade of a room...but im ready for it...i have no idea when this new found confidence and assurance came in, but im loving it...so have a blessed new years, cheers!

*coming soon*

--just being you
--the hols
--xmas
--new 'new years resolutions'
and many more..whatever that is in between...

how much can one miss?

its not about missing chances...or well it could be...i just thought of that...more of how much you can miss someone...till you cant even think about them, cause you miss them so much...and theres nothing you can do...you can talk all day or all night...yet feel you arent close enough...you just wanna be with the person so badly...i guess its ok to feel it at times...then you appreciate the person that much more...about chances, opportunities or whatever we may refer to them as....life is what you make it...sometimes you just have to go against all those fears...if you dont, you will never know of what could have been....just look at it this way :one chance to live, once chance to do all those things you've been dying to try, one wrong turn and u may not have that chance again...so maybe its about time you embrace each and every opportunity...do the best that you can...potential is there...have faith...faith is all we need...they say some people are destined for greatness or popularity...just how some people look at it...strive for what you want, learn from those mistakes and never give up!

i miss so many people...im thinking about all the experiences...truly...PRECIOUS

resolutions*

since its all coming to an end, the year i mean...its about time i straighten all that out...figure out what my resolutions are gonna be...and reflect...figure out if i achieved any of the resolutions i made this year...i tend to do this...make resolutions, yet have no idea what they are once the year ends...so this time, i want it to be different...i need to know what resolutions i made...and if i achieved any of them....

*resolutions for '09*

christmas cheer

im not even in it myself...or well not yet...comes across as stressful to me...i dont even know why...just so much to do in so little time...christmas pictures, parties, programs...all squeezed together in one week...yet my heart aches...nothing to do with xmas but it does...and then you tend to realize that some things will be like that - unbearable...was just thinking about how neglected the posts are...sometimes just cant get myself to write anything :(...besides the point..so back to the topic...xmas is in a week...i dont feel it just yet...tree is up, all the decorations..some gifts...yet somethings missing..and i have no idea what it is...part of my family is in the mood...wont mention who...i practically jump off my seat each time the phone rings...'jingle bells'...and its so loud...then the xmas jewelry...i dont even have any of that..so its odd...how different each member in the family can be..all about individuality...oh well...thinking about white christmases and stuff like that...at times i feel like i need all of that...but that pulls u so far away from the purpose of it all...it should be a little things that get it all together...makes it special...so yeah, i need to try to be happy about it all...cause its all happening so fast and before i know it, it'll be done...happy holidays!

how love messes with the mind...

It’s me laying here at night
Wanting to hold you tight
Needing to tell you what’s on my mind
Wishing you’d understand
Everything works even better with the touch of your hand
A thousand things cross my mind
All at exactly the same time
I wish you knew
How this time, my feelings grew and grew
Things now are so different
That way you make me feel
I may have made you a better man
But you’ve made me all that I possibly can
And for that I’ll be forever grateful
Grateful for the way you make me feel
The way you loved me, that way no one ever has
We may argue
Everyone does
Sometimes I feel that’s what makes us stronger
Almost falling apart, and picking up the pieces again and again
And yet I’m still trying
For the first time
I feel like I’m working for it
Striving to keep everything together
No pity, pure admiration not you falling at my feet
That’s not what I need
Maybe all along
This is what I needed
Someone to love me for me
To be there, hold me, protect me
Give me what I need
The sense of direction
Directing me towards greater things
And once again discovering life
Just as it is
Loving me, and not wanting to lose me
I’ve gained that, the confidence I needed
To be sure and handle things as they come
And know that you’re never letting go

'forgive and forget'

some things are just that - easier said than done...its easy to say u forgive someone...its a whole different thing to actually do it...we sometimes find ourselves saying those three words 'i forgive you'...just for the sake of doing it...u give urself that comfort...and it makes u look like a good person altogether...

a certain thing may happen to a friend, relative or well just someone so close to you..someone thats so close to your heart...and that person may forgive the wrong doer...(the person who experienced it)...yet u find yourself having a hard time forgiving...as easily as they did...maybe thats being overprotective...loving someone that much that u just cant stand someone hurting them...but if they've forgiven them and moved on, maybe u should too...no point in holding grudges...its better if u try to work things out and move on with life....

in other cases, someone u love may have done something so bad...u still love them...yet its that one thing they did that changes everything...u know u can never forget it...and in this case, u give up...u give up on that person...coz u cant bring urself to give them another chance...its how we get caught up in the moment...at times, a second chance is all they need....

so yeah, maybe all these posts come across as rather erm...emo or something...just what ive been thinking about..maybe the boredom is starting to get to me!

the curse

penelope...thats where the inspiration came from...this girl was ugly...in the eyes of everyone...she looked horrid...a pigs nose...she had to hide away...hide away from the world..just cause they couldnt accept her for who she is...they think that the curse will be broken once she marries a guy...but she didnt want a guy to marry her just coz he pitied her...she wanted a whole lot more....the thing that eventually breaks the curse....her loving herself...loving herself just the way she is...and not asking for anything more...i guess thats a pretty decent moral...accepting yourself for who you are..and not caring about what others think...it comes down to that...just YOU...i guess in the end...thats all that matters...just that we let our minds get so clustered...and sometimes u just feel like they matter more than you...so sometimes i guess all we need is to think about it...and give ourselves more credit...

" i love myself just the way i am"

regrets and hopes

it has taken awhile for me to update...kinda aware of that...barely use the computer nowadays...

regrets
everyone has them...sometimes its more of wondering what could have been...if u dont take that chance, u will never know the outcome...so maybe sometimes its ok to be turned down...at least u know it wouldnt have worked...instead of leaving it and never knowing...maybe thats the worst feeling...but some people prefer not knowing...mainly because they dont wanna feel that...they dont wanna feel the hurt...

hopes
sometimes we hope for alot...things that are way out of reach, doesnt stop us from hoping for the best...at times, its the best thing; or well all u have left...that tiny bit of hope...just that feeling of knowing that stuff could work out the way u want it to...

these hols....ive learnt alot...falling and picking myself up...thought about alot of stuff....and i realized i care and worry about stuff that shouldnt be worried about....all the intimidation...im just grateful i realized it - now is time for changes. caring about the important stuff and letting everything else fall in place.

it worked!

ive settled the problem, so glad...and thankful...i hope i remember this...how it almost ruined me, and how i got back up :)