assessments?

for some reason i feel the title looks very odd...idk...just this thing with words...its only after doing academic writing do i realize how many words i still dont know how to spell...not exactly that; more to me being unsure about the spelling...i have no idea where everyone is today...planned on going to church; felt sick...so i stayed back...and the people i want to talk to dont seem to be online..i text and get no replies, i msg them on msn and get no replies...seriously feel weird about the whole thing...have yet another assessment tomorrow...english...tend to feel like theres always a test; which is true...no doubt...another 10%...seem to be doing reasonably good and thats what makes me feel satisfied...for once :)....believe it or not i have hw...but it isnt due yet...he gave us like 2 weeks to do it...sorta putting it off...not a good thing...but seriously not in the mood to do it...i remember having this weird dream last night...i wish i could remember what it was about though...

life.

first of all - updates...the whole thing about not being able to see the person you want to...dad sorta blew that out of proportion....not gonna get into the whole thing and not gonna share my decision...haha...this week has been so hectic...never ending research, assignments, homework...and test...the test turned out pretty well...i think im gonna do great...research is fun...just rather tedious at times....

my topic...life...lately ive been thinking about...love and life...i mean each one is not associated to the other...love...i never got enough of it...and no i most definetely am not talking about the current relationship but previous relationships....i somehow used to feel like i gave it my all; yet got so little in return...now its all just very different..its like every little thing surprises me....and even the smallest things touch my life in like the biggest ways...how i always tend to get emotional; but control it...but yeah...overall amazing...then life...im trying to figure out certain things...like do you think our life line is already determined...? like...how long each person has to live...which varies among people...or would it make more sense if we all were given the exact same time line initially...but its those small things we get ourselves into...the things we do...all the things we ask for and bring to ourselves...so from there each persons bad habits deducts a certain percentage of their life line? or is it something else? idk...

latest read : confessions of a shopaholic...just the right book for me...and of a related topic...haha...its something you wont wana put down...if ur into the whole shopping, love thing...(excessive spending)...

latest watch: bride wars...it was real good...funny yet sad...certain parts did get to me...the girl beside me was sobbing...i mean it wasnt that sad...i wanna watch new in town too...and cant wait for marley and me, confessions of a shopaholic...read the book already...cant wait for 90210!!! next week are the new episodes :) :)....

latest...song?...ok, something i really like ;) :...beyonce's 'halo'....i have been listening to it non-stop...still not sick of it...somehow i feel like it relfects...ive been trying to find people who actually like it...my friends think its too mellow..it isnt...

so thats that for now...gonna stay out tonight..havent been out much this whole week...been so occupied with work and stuff...tired, but havent napped...haha...so yeah...friday night; here i come! ;)

telling you what to and not to do

i hate it...really...my dad is telling me who to not be friends with...we've been friends for 10 years....how do you push someone who has been in your life for so long away like that? instantly....this has been on my mind...like the whole weekend...and still...lately ive been getting so emotional so it gets harder...right now im distracting myself; when i cant seem to handle stuff...when i feel like giving up and it all seems like way too much :(...arghhhh.....i really wish i didnt feel this way...

home sweet home

when you're away from home, dorm rooms are considered as your 'home'...or well to a certain extent at least your 'second home'...ive gotten pretty comfortable here...i mean i barely go home anymore..maybe thats why...so i barely mind it...campus life is fun...i mean its not like nilai has so much to offer; but its not that bad...i enjoy the freedom, people, etc....living on your own and all that, independence...is nice too....tend to feel responsible for yourself....of course, you're not exempted from the drama that surrounds you...what does this have to do with anything really? its just that, i havent been home in almost a month....and im headed home today...for a day...kinda insane i know...why not the whole weekend? i seriously dont know...so yeah...will have to visit my grandparents, spend time with my family etc...should be cool..i know time is gonna fly! and my bed...ahhhhh---heaven :)

reviews

im stuck doing my 'review of literature' for my research report..my topic being 'teen pregnancy'....quite interesting actually...then i have my webpage design assgn....gosh...whole lot of work...then tests and mid-terms and all that other stuff...definetely not forgetting the drama...sometimes i just dont understand how certain people think..and then i feel some are way too dependent on other people...im surprising myself nowadays....realize im quite strong on my own and im ok with the hard work....im actually re-typing everything for my review of literature...meaning- absolutely no plagiarism...haha...impressive i know..did that for my csc assgn too..haha...what exactly have i been up to these days? quite abit...and ive been having sleeping issues....its disturbing...i sorta half sleep walk- bang into the wall...have insane dreams...then as usual; try to interpret them...but fail....i guess theres just some things you'll never understand...right now i have my study companion- nescafe...gosh i think i DO have an addiction to coffee....just keeps me going...i have 3 more sources to go....probably heading to kl tomorrow...just to relax abit...then continue all my hw...then going home on saturday...for a day! havent been home in weeks...but i think its about time i do...do i miss home? honestly, i dont know anymore...somehow just adjusting to it...im still listening to david cook's permanent....i can listen to it over and over again yet not get sick of it...then i watched abit of AI today...theres this one guy who has great potential...so whats on the coll. calender? i think they had this 'snacks and ladders' thing today...idk...i thought it was like the board game or something..guess i was wrong...heard its some 'obstacle' like thing...whatever that means ( description by a friend; not me ).....then theres orientation day next week...crowning of mr and ms inti...i feel it is so over-rated...shall get to that if i can relate a topic to that....then theres cultural night in march...alot is happening...days are going by so fast...its like you feel the week has just begun; and its almost the weekend...ive been getting hooked on bowling on fb...and ive tried twitter..dont exactly get the whole point - YET.

loving ourselves before anyone else

i mean we always blindly say yes we do love ourselves...in ways yeah, we are selfish..and we tend to care more about ourselves way before anyone or anything else...what about those who put others way before themselves? in the hopes that by being there; the reward is greater...how often do we play mind games...thinking that if we do a certain thing, we will be rewarded...just how frequently do you not expect anything in return? i mean seriously, is it that much to ask for? but i guess that is the key to love..love yourself...know you...before committing to someone else...how can you try to understand someone else if you dont even understand you? alot of interesting things have been happening..for starters my whole v day thing...was out the whole day...got wished by random stranger..and there have been groups of people bothering me; gets kinda insane...then stuff with my roomie...my friends...everything that has to do with assgns, tests, etc...overall it has been great...just that i was real sick on sunday...maybe just maybe it was exhaustion...i realize i tend to go on and on about love...and well--my relationship...im gonna stop emphasizing on that so much...and relate stuff to topics...but not out right talk about it...or well, not so blatantly...

onto the next subject...body peace...
guys and girls alike...
how confident are you in your own skin? do you find yourself being so self conscious at times it drives you absolutely insane? its about time you let go...just love you for you...and expect nothing more...everything is special and unique in their own way...and thats why we are different...today my professor said something...and its probably something we should all keep in mind...live everyday like its ur first and last...:)

valentines day...its here!

first of all, happy valentines day! ive had the best beginning, EVER...or well, till now...hahahha...then i have to be up by 9 or so...its insane...going to the theme park...then sungei wang plaza...SHOPPING!....hope all of you out there have an amazing v day...and one of my friends was actually depressed...reason being he had noone to spend the day with...and so he got all desperate and wanted to get that girl to be his gf by v day...just so he wont be 'mr.lonely'....now why do we go to these extents? i mean im not single this v day so u cant use that against me...even if i were alone...and i was alone so many v days...we still had fun...i mean u can do a singles thing...love yourself...:)

opinions

sometimes its so hard to make certain choices...and then you go 'oh maybe it will be easier if i get opinions'....but then that makes things a whole lot worse....reason being everyone will gave a different point of view and not everyone is gonna agree with you on certain levels...so i guess maybe its best that you have a rough idea of what your choice might be...or its gonna be really hard...for an update...ive been so busy...research, assignment, test...urghhh...all is finally done ( for awhile)...tests and stuff at least...i have to spend the day at the library to look for my resources, probably tomorrow...then my homework...distribute my questionnaires...and might go for a movie...the problem : broke...i mean not really...but i get so little nowadays that i seriously dont know what to do...sometimes i feel like parents dont understand...i mean how do you spend only 50 per week...sunday thru saturday...its kinda insane, or well very insane...so tomorrow is the 13th...valentines on saturday...its odd how i feel i dont even need that anymore...cause im genuinely happy where i am right now...:)...all in all...its all splendid...im just curious to see what goes on over the weekend...the coll is organizing this genting trip so idk....haha...im probably going to time square though...with friends...theme park= total fun...i love the rides and stuff...i just hope that they can handle me...my friends i mean...i dont tend to get sick or anything...so its like id go on everything till im tired....speaking of tired...i had like 3 hours of sleep last night...was insane...had to get coffee right before class...and in class i was being super annoying...poking my friend and stuff....and thinking about names, dont ask why...and i kept calling her for no reason...in the end i told her to just ignore me....doing surprisingly well for running on that little sleep...so thats that for now...all i can think of at the moment..usual being theres alot just that i honestly cant remember right now..

quotations.

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.- Aristotle

My bounty is as boundless as the sea,My love as deep; the more I give to thee,The more I have, for both are infinite. - William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable.- Henry Ward Beecher

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.-Helen Keller

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.- Zora Neale Hurston

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.- Dorothy Parker

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other waythan this: where I does not exist nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.- Pablo Neruda, "Love Sonnet XVII"

the history of valentines day

i found this quite interesting.

Every February, across the country, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint — is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl — who may have been his jailor's daughter — who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial — which probably occurred around 270 A.D — others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification.The boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the hides because it was believed the strips would make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed. Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February — Valentine's Day — should be a day for romance. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. The greeting, which was written in 1415, is part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England. Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines in America.According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.)Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages (written Valentine's didn't begin to appear until after 1400), and the oldest known Valentine card is on display at the British Museum. The first commercial Valentine's Day greeting cards produced in the U.S. were created in the 1840s by Esther A. Howland. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as "scrap".

grades

im really happy right now...did well..was kinda worried...urghh...another day of studying.. have a test tomorrow..done for now though...gonna see my friend in awhile...havent seen him for like a week i think...idk...:)...so much for weirdness....theres so much...

im officially going nuts

i just realized i didnt even get to the point...i intended on writing something and didnt even get to it...imagine knowing someone with the exact same name as you? them doing almost the same stuff that you do...liking the stuff you like...and being able to finish your sentences...its like they know what you're thinking...isnt that freaky?

total weirdness....

recently ive realized that i have this thing about titles...barely do i get a title that i really like...never seem to get the right one...the weekend went by surprisingly fast...had today off as well ( monday )...seeing as how thaipusam was yesterday..i didnt go home this week...so i went to church from here...service was awesome...it was so much fun...met many new people...and have seen a few of them around already...forced myself to get out of bed early...seeing as how i try to get myself to do something productive...always seem to feel like i waste way too much time...then ive been noticing stuff...and worrying and my everlasting list of worries...been noticing my regimes..like i do this then this...and its like i have to do it all or i somehow feel incomplete...haha...getting quite paranoid...this chair is so uncomfortable...i would get myself another one, but im on the 4th floor...and no1 is gonna help me bring it up...so might as well live with it..i should honestly consider moving down a floor or two next semester...so today basically revolved around me getting my assignment done...reformatting my business card thing for computer class....got everything printed...did a bit of studying, some reading, music...and a whole lot of walking...more stairs..haha...last night i played badminton...it was fun...but it was like i was the only one running...she just seemed to stand still...im listening to katy perry's thinking of you...been doing that alot...i say the song is annoying yet theres something about it that i really like...i think i dont admit stuff...like how i said i didnt miss home...maybe i do a whole lot just that i hate to admit it....i just get so annoyed by my family sometimes...its like they dont care...a whole lot of drama, not gonna get into details...and sometimes i think people need to tell me to 'play nice'...i feel like every so often i overshadow my real feelings by saying its ok when its not....but when i dont like someone or something i can straight out say it...at times i feel like im too harsh...its like...thanks for being discrete...then theres things with guards...they are nice...some are weird...haha...and someone told me that i looked arabic...and then chinese...thats new...im used to getting the malay thing very often...so tomorrows gonna be about studying, have a test the following day...then will have to get started on my resources for my research report...i guess the work will be worth it, the result will be amazing...ive seen specimens and they look really good :)....more about v day...what did v day mean to me? what does it mean to me right now? it changed, a whole lot....i used to be upset if i wasnt with someone for valentines...it seemed like it was more about gifts, etc...but i now know whats important...you dont even need to be with someone..love yourself....but if you are, all the better ;)...love and be loved back...and it doesnt even need to be expensive...just spending time with that person is more than enough..just cherish those moments..while you can...and appreciate every step you take with him/ her...have a wonderful week ahead

xx

weird nights

so we cooked today, the food was absolutely disastrous...and to be honest i didnt do much..eventhough its the weekend..slept late, got up...studied the whole day..did my assgn and stuff...then cooked, was in my frens room....went out and stuff...everyones so moody when im not...sorta sucks...just remembered that i have to do references...oh gosh...quite abit seems to happen lately..and ive been having weird dreams..and yeah, im going to church tomorrow..from coll...first time im doing that...and im in my 3rd sem already...haha...there is a reason behind that, seeing as how nilai college has starbucks!!! ...dont say starbucks over god...or anything like that...i was just so surprised when i found out about that...so im going for the sake of my curiosity...:)

of sleepless nights.

sleepless nights...having these quite frequently...how do u not when ur at coll? stayed back this week, yet again...people start to wonder if i even miss home...its complicated...ok well, it sorta is and sorta isnt...we'll just stick to me- being here...friday nights are always full of craziness...staying out late..weird encounters, odd experiences, doing weird things...cause nobody cares....u can do whatever whenever you like...so i was playing this game with my friend...and these people were talking about us, etc...in chinese..how long it has been since i last spoke the language...besides the point, but they had no idea i understood...weird....like people saying stuff, them thinking u have no clue, but u have the full picture...i would write more...so much craziness....just lazy to type..its 3am, dont blame me!

have a fantabulous weekend! :)

valentines day in other countries

Australia

During the Australian gold rush period, miners who were suddenly in possession of money from the new-found wealth of the Ballarat Mines were willing to pay a princely sum for elaborate valentines and merchants in the country would ship orders amounting to thousands of pounds at a time. The most extravagent Australian valentines were made of a satin cushion, perfumed and decorated in an ornate manner with flowers and colored shells. Some might even be adorned with a taxidermied humming bird or bird of paradise. This treasure, contained within a neatly decorated box, was highly valued, being both fashionable and extremely expensive.

Austria

Austria has some rather obscure courtship customs that may or may not be associated with Saint Valentine's Day. Nonetheless, it is customary for a young man to present his beloved with a bunch of flowers on February 14.

America

In the United States of America, there have been many varieties of cards given over the course of the years, some of which have often been rude or even quite cruel in their humor. In the times of the Civil War, cards were flagged with rich colors accompanied by patriotic and/or political motifs. Early American valentine cards were especially lithographed and hand-colored, beautiful and distinctive in design, produced with intricate lace paper and decorated with such ornaments as beads, sea shells, cones, berries and all manner of seeds. Cards were also available decorated with seaweed or moss, in addition to dried and/or artificial flowers, all of which were attached to a string which was pulled and could then be suspended, thereby creating a three-dimensional picture. Many early American cards were imported from abroad, given the poor quality of American paper at the time which was not particularly suitable for embossing. Today, American children usually exchange valentines with their friends and there may even be a classroom party.

Britain

The poets of Britain have probably penned the majority of the best-loved romantic verses associated with Saint Valentine. Different regions of the nation celebrate their own customs to honor this day, although the sending of cards and gifts of flowers and chocolates is standard procedure throughout the entire country. One uniform custom is the singing of special songs by children, who then receive gifts of candy, fruit or money. In some areas, valentine buns are baked with caraway seeds, plums or raisins.

Denmark

The Danish valentine card is known as a "lover's card." Older versions of this greeting came in the form of a transparency which, when held up to the light, depicted the image of a lover handing his beloved a gift. One custom in Denmark is for people to send pressed white flowers called Snowdrops to their friends. Danish men may also send a form of valentine known as a gaekkebrev (or "joking letter"). The sender of this gaekkebrev pens a rhyme but does not sign his name. Instead, he signs the message with dots...one dot for each letter in his name. If the lady who receives the card guesses the name of the sender, then she is rewarded with an Easter Egg later in the year.

France

In France, a custom known as "drawing for" once occurred. Unmarried individuals, both young and not so young, would go into houses facing each other and begin calling out across from one window to another, pairing-off with the chosen partner. If the young man failed to be particularly enthralled with his valentine, he would desert her. As a result, a bonfire would be lit later where the ladies could burn images of the ungrateful sweetheart and verbally abuse him in a loud tone as the effigy burned. This ritual was eventually abandoned since it left much room for nastiness, ridicule or even outright malice and the French government finally handed-down a decree officially banning the custom. Elegant French greetings cards known as cartes d'amities, which contained tender messages, were given not totally as a Valentine but chiefly as a result of a fashion which was popular in England at the time.

Germany

In Germany, it has become customary for the young man of a courting couple to present his beloved with flowers on February 14. Valentine gifts in Germany are usually in the shape of love tokens, complete with endearing messages. However, these are not distributed solely on Valentine's Day, but on any occasion. Even early German baptismal certificates or marriage certificates were considered at one time to have been valentines, but were more likely simply decorative and pictorial documents which contained lovely verses.
In Italy, Valentine's Day was once celebrated as a Spring Festival, held in the open air, where young people would gather in tree arbors or ornamental gardens to listen to music and the reading of poetry. However, over the course of the years, this custom steadily ceased and has not now been celebrated for centuries. In Turin, it was formerly the custom for betrothed couples to announce their engagements on February 14. For several days ahead of time, the stores would be decorated and filled with all manner of bon-bons.

Japan

In Japan, Valentine's Day is celebrated on two different dates...February 14 and March 14. On the first date, the female gives a gift to the male and on the second date...known as White Day and supposedly introduced by a marshmallow company in the 1960s...the male has to return the gift he received on February 14. Thus, strictly speaking, a Japanese female has the luxury of actually choosing her own gift. Chocolate is the most popular gift in Japan. However, since most Japanese females believe that store-bought chocolate is not a gift of true love, they tend to make the confection with their own hands.

Korea

The traditional gift of candy takes place in Korea on February 14, but only from females to males. There is another special day for males to give gifts to females and this is celebrated on March 14. Very similar to the custom in Japan, March 14 in Korea is known as "White Day." On "White Day," many young men confess their love for the first time to their sweethearts. For those young people who have no particular romantic partners, the Koreans have set aside yet another date...April 14, also known as "Black Day." On that date, such individuals get together and partake of Jajang noodles, which are black in color, hence the name of the day.

Scotland

In Scotland, Valentine's Day is celebrated with a festival. At this festival, there is an equal number of unmarried males and females, each of whom write their name (or a made-up name) on a piece of paper which is then folded and placed into a hat...one hat for the ladies and one for the men. The females then draw a name from the hat containing the men's names and vice versa. Of course, it is highly likely that the two drawn names will not match, in which event, it is usually expected that the male partner with the female who selected his name. This rite having been completed, the company split up into couples and gifts are given to the ladies. The females would then pin the name of their partner over their hearts or on their sleeves. A dance often follows and, at the end of the festival, it is not unusual for marriages to take place. According to another Scottish custom, the first young man or woman encountered by chance on the street or elsewhere will become that individual's valentine. Valentine's Day gifts in Scotland are frequently given by both parties in the form of a love-token or true-love-knot.

Spain

In Spain, it is customary for courting couples to exchange gifts on Valentine's Day and for husbands to send their wives bouquets of roses.
Valentine's Day is celebrated in Taiwan on February 14, but there is also a special Valentine's Day on July 7 of the lunar calendar, based on an ancient Chinese folktale (**). Both dates are equally as important. Many men purchase expensive bouquets of roses and other flowers for their sweethearts on these days. According to Taiwan tradition, the color and number of the roses holds much significance. For example, one red rose means "an only love," eleven roses means "a favorite," ninety-nine roses means "forever," and one hundred eight roses means "marry me."

mixed feelings..

i know i havent been entirely honest..about quite a few things...1st, i barely express feelings ( minus all my lovey dovey junk)...i try to hide all emotion possible...2nd, i hardly mention names....not for the sake of their identity, but the fact that i hate everyone knowing everything about me...nothing to do with secrets...just that once names are mentioned, things may get a little twisted...and dont ask me why i blog if i hate sharing feelings? i guess i keep emotions and feelings to myself most of the time...3rd, i dont talk about past events or relationships...i guess thats all that ill number...the rest will just flow out as i continue writing...i should be happy...i mean i saw him...but honestly, its like...when i dont see him it hurts...when i see him, it hurts too...so then what do i do? hes not hurting me physically or anything so dont get any ideas in your head...its just that, when i dont see him i miss him...and when i do...which seems to be less and less as the days go by...i hate it when it comes to an end...its upsetting when u look at the time, its just flying..drives me absolutely insane...then its like...theres so much to say...yet u dont say it..in fear of not having enough time...just like my whole missing thing...i can say i get so used to it that it doesnt hurt...that im used to it cause i dont see him...in another way, it kills me..slowly everyday...then theres me...just worry way too easily...really gets to me at times...then i feel like so many people have to be strong for me; cause if i knew the truth, i probably cant handle it....this is what i have been dealing with...with tests, assgns, etc...and roomie...but im starting to get used to it...its actually better having the whole room to myself...just that i feel i wasnt warned and just agreed and didnt know what i was getting myself into...i dont miss home...and i hate that i feel that way...so many people miss it like crazy yet i dont even have a hint of it...then i realized that i barely share all my thoughts with anyone...i mean, i have close friends, i tell them stuff...yet they dont hear about stuff when im falling apart....the bf does...sometimes i feel like im too hard...things arent that hard, yet i make it seem that way...i dont say things cause i dont want anyone to get hurt...i say stuff cause i want to hurt people just cause they hurt me...how awful is that?

had to get all that out of the way...thought id try letting people know how i feel...just those time...where u feel like everything is falling apart and its just too much to bear...but when you look back on it, u wonder why u even felt that way to begin with...ive been having so much fun...i mean i have a real free schedule...and i feel bad...cause i finally feel like i can handle it...i feel in control...ah well, next semester i guess...so ive been trying new things...overall, life is going well...im loving and being loved back...i wish i appreciated it a whole lot more...like how i used to...cause they all do love me..sincerely, its about time i believe and really cherish it...life is way too short...so sometimes its better that they know how u feel, cause you'll never know if its too late...and what tomorrow has in store for you...and btw, everyone is having tests and stuff now...so for all those who are, good luck...i had one this week, having one next week..and mid terms the following...just great..so now for some adjustments to my assgn, then my weekend has offically begun =)

research report

gosh, i seriously never thought that research would be this hard...sadly, its already getting the best of me. resources, problem statements, questions...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....and its all due in about a week...that and tests, assignments, mid terms...all at once...i need to keep myself sane...had a pretty long night...had a test today...went well, surprisingly...and now i wanna sleep! :)...not like i'll get to...quite unlikely that i fall asleep at a time like this...doesnt mean i wont try ;)

work load

just wonderful...everything is coming in at the same time...assignments, tests...and i have one tomorrow! the worst part -- 1 day notice :(...then tutorial next week...and mid terms the next...gosh...odd thing is, im not stressed....for once...i always tend to worry...but in the end its all ok...ah well...im soooo hungry...and its raining...so im stuck in my room for awhile....had a pretty long day...i mean...no rest, no lunch...then assignment...did this tag thing on fb...interesting...coming up with random thoughts :)...ive been pretty cheerful lately...no idea why...for someone whos always moody...not like its a bad thing ;)...urghhh....hungry..and kinda sick....

words of wisdom : you have nothing to fear but yourself.

v day

valentines day...what does it mean to you? to celebrate or to not celebrate? some people go with the idea of valentines day being 'commercialized'...well im not saying you're wrong, just that i think they started it for the sake of remembering that special one or- special ones ( family, friends, etc) on that one particular day...yet again, im not saying that you dont remember them every other day of your life; just that you use that one day to go all out...it doesnt have to be expensive, its the thought that counts...* i wanna be surprised! *...thats just me...and its not even gifts, but nvm...its like the smallest thing...so whats with the vday vibe? its only the 2nd...being the romantic at heart, just thought i'd get started early...shall try to associate stuff with valentines day...so to everyone out there, just make the most out of the day; have fun!

after CNY break

ok..once again...BACK AT COLL...not too bad..just that i dreaded coming back for once...nope no arguements, no reasons as to why i wouldnt wanna come back..just that things went surprisingly well at home this time around...overall...was rather INTERESTING...just hanging around with friends...spending time with the family...movie...dinners, etc....had plans almost everyday ( guess thats a good sign! )....the room is so cold...as usual...increased the tempt, dont feel the change...i spent this afternoon unpacking, cleaning, sending in my hw and stuff....then slept for awhile..just didnt know what to do...and now i think im gonna get to my assgn...before my roomie gets back...then its all goss :)....

neways, just thought id update...barely do anymore...honestly not sure why; plus its about time i stop giving excuses! ;)