picking up the pieces

alot has happened... and honestly, im finding it so hard to cope right now...i know the whole blogging thing is purely *writing your thoughts down and voicing out opinions, etc*...but i cant write all this down, too painful of a process...and i'll find it very humiliating...so maybe when i can look back on all this, laugh it off, then i shall pen my thoughts and feelings down because right now ; i just cant...i need to get through all of this...im so thankful to have all the wonderful and caring people who have been with me through this every step of the way...i wish i was strong enough to face the facts on my own...if u read this and are wondering what the big deal is, nvm...if u wanna help, keep me in your prayers...pray for my troubled soul and that i hopefully gain a clear sense of direction...i probably won't be writing for awhile, not until i get through everything...so till then, take care :)

every passing day

so today i watched twilight and madagascar 2...both were good..but i loved twilight...edward cullen is gorgeous...and of course credits for him being in Harry Potter..:)...i think id love it if my bf was that strong and stuff...and can fly and stuff...see the world from like 20 feet off the ground...almost like having a magic carpet ride ;)....then there was the fact that he kept insisting him and bella shouldnt be friends..she knew she was getting herself into alot, but she did it anyways...coz she loved him...and she trusted him...and them laying side by side and stuff...awww....he couldnt even kiss her at first...but could in the end...after she became a vampire too...i read the book..so yeah...liked it from the start...there are quite a few new movies out now...that ill probably be catching soon...to kill time...i enjoy the relaxing, but yeah...kinda wish i had a routine at times....so exhausted...gonna get to bed soon....

missing*

i know it has been awhile...once again id like to apologize...alot has been happening...didnt have internet for awhile...then laptop was at the shop...so didnt get to my mail or the blogging...

i celebrated by 18th recently...maybe thats the one age that makes u feel the difference..every other time when going up the 'age scale'...we dont feel it at all..just a day that u were born, party and everything feels the same...this one has an impact...or maybe it depends on the person....

so the title doesnt have anything to do with something missing...its abt 'missing' someone...or well many people..and those aspects that we once had....its just that feeling of not having the person around...seeing someone almost everyday and then not seeing them at all...:(...kinda emo but yeah...one reason why i wish i was at coll...the freedom, friends and bf time :)....ah well... bear with it for a month more...ive been watching sooooo many movies....some among the list of mine

: the accidental husband
: HSM
: quantum of solace
: fireflies in the garden
: sisterhood of the travelling pants 2
: pineapple express
: college
: definetely, maybe
: the house bunny
: good luck chuck
............and many more

the list goes on and on..so i shall not bore you...then theres the whole list of problems...issues that frens have among each other...im not involved...but its like...i am frens with both of them...so it feels like im always in the middle ; i absolutely hate it...ah well....at least i get to do what i love : read, music, internet, beach. swimming, etc...so its all going good for awhile...till next time (whenever that is...honestly have no idea when ill update next)....gonna go visit my fren for awhile...havent seen her in quite awhile...:)

P.H.A.T

pretty, hot and thick

inspiration from the movie...'phat girls'

maybe its one thing to be obese, and another to be curvy....i guess people should just learn to embrace themselves...ur own body image and shape...we look at magazines..and of course all we see are stick thin models...but people who crave to be the perfect size zero, may be really unhappy...they may suffer from eating disorders...unhappiness, anger...all because of the perception...the perception of what beautiful or perfect is..maybe its more of what u think perfection is..and the rest will just fall into place...and when u feel down...and tend to have a low self esteem...remember all the moments..and stuff that makes u feel good abt urself...all the good things...and eventually confidence just flows...inner and outter beauty...it may be the combination of both that makes it all the more worthwhile...learn to accept you for you...u can try to improve stuff but never try to be something ur not...i guess it isnt worth it, if u have to pretend to be something you're not just to get someone to take notice...when someone loves u for you..sincerely...thats when u've achieved it and probably have all that you could ever need....

money for love..OR...love for money??

finally have some inspiration...by how the blog has been, its pretty obvious that ive been having a hard time writing abt something..writers block? or just the pure laziness? idk...or the fact that i put myself into these situations and i tend to feel so uncomfortable that i just dont know what to do...nevermind that...the topic...

money buys everything...do u believe that? i never thought that it mattered as much; until recently...i mean...obvs fact that we know money buys material things, etc....is it able to buy other things? for instance...love? maybe, just maybe it does...many women chase after men for just that moolah and other stuff...but money still plays a major role...and some men go for women who have money..so that they can support them...and people tend to feel that when u have money, then u have the true happiness....that feeling u've been thriving for but never truly achieved....yet again...u could have all the money in the world and still be unhappy....why? after all we say that money can get you everything...but i guess u'll still face problems...maybe u will feel lonely, or have family problems...or other things that may affect you....so maybe it would work better if theres a balance...the thing is...we all thrive for more...u may have alot but u will never look at the fact that some people have a whole lot less....u look at those who have more...maybe thats a good thing...motivation...the thing that will get you to work for more...but that doesnt change the fact that we are greedy...

the last question to ask yourself is this : if you had a choice to choose between love or money...what would it be? money or life? ( this is what my friends used to ask me) a bit odd but yeah....i guess its all coming back to me =)

of being a couch potato

ok so yes, continuation to my whole laziness thing...i mean, its good to relax; after all the hassle...so ive been pretty glu-ed to the tv...watching series after series, movie after movie...even the stuff ive seen over and over again....must watches for this month are such as :-

-90210
-desperate housewives
-october road
-ANTM (cycle 11)
-the hills
-greys
-heroes
-the L word
-brothers and sisters
-gossip girl
-niptuck
-everbody hates chris
loads of shows that are bound to get u hooked...

and ive been reading alot too...books, mags...
-seventeen
-in style
-elle
-harpers bazaar
-vogue
-chasing harry winston ( took me awhile to get the meaning)
-twilight
-ps i love you
-if u could see me now
-theres no place like here
-the dutchess
-everyone worth knowing
-american girls about town

so yeah, this pretty much explains what ive been up to...during the hols..so far...its only been 6 days..so i have abt a month and a half to go....is going by pretty quickly but then again not fast enough...turning 18 in a week or so...so thats something...meeting up with friends...trying to hold everything together...i just feel like i should, while i can :)...todays my dads birthday, so that should be interesting..dinner...ive been impressed that stuff is going on well here...just my whole adaptation process...so used to being in AC 24/7....its just burning hot!!!!

updates

ill just admit it...laziness...the reason as to why i havent updated...been caught up as well...and thinking abt alot of stuff...i know recently ive been rambling abt how ive lost myself...today i realized that maybe i havent...i just pushed her away....steered myself away from the stuff i loved doing..so yeah, realization...i had a pretty hectic day...had like 4 hrs of sleep...church...lunch...hung out...slept..then went to subang....good dinner..and now im home...as usual im gonna be pulling an all nighter....everyone here sleeps so early...im the only one whos up past 12...its sad...i would write on a topic...need some inspiration...ahhhhh!!!!!!!

the sisterhood of the travelling pants 2

ok, so yes it is one of my 'chic lit' things..ive read all 4 books....and loved them...i have two best frens who are girls...not three...so yeah, at times i feel like we can relate...the whole being close thing only to know u fall apart once college starts...and then u realize that yeah, maybe the only thing that kept us together was school...the only conversational 'topic'...i think that was the case with one of my friends..the other can relate...coz we do open up and talk about other stuff..so back to the movie...its mainly abt how 4 girls can fit into one pair of pants, irrespective of their size....so they pass the pants on to each other...no matter where they are at...write a letter and attach it with the pants...n tell the person what they have been up to and what magic the pants have brought to them..n yes i like the whole romance thing..so yeah, they fall in love, out of it, and back in love once again....tibby gets a pregnancy scare...carmen has a baby brother (mom's 2nd marriage), bridget goes to camp and lena finds love....and eventually goes back to costos...n greece is so beautiful....( on my list :)....overall, was good...nice sequel....

back home...:)

im home...for 2 months..so confused abt what i should do 4 my 18th...upsetting thing is that i cant do something extreme...parents..so just something simple...i guess u still turn that age so it doesnt matter what u do right? but it has to be something memorable..idk...maybe just not worry abt it..i mean its gonna b my birthday, wouldnt be fun if im all stressed and worrying...i wanna do alot, promised alot of stuff...its just upsetting how u know u cant keep the promises....if u have any kind of suggestions, drop me a comment in the chat box...how u spent ur 18th, or how u would like to spend it...i so wanna bungee jump! :)...weird huh...n i wanted to go for a walk today...but its raining....:(..maybe later or another day...

packing :(

thats what im up to right now..funny how its the hols and i havent been updating...i think i do update more when im studying n stuff..haha...packing....just so much...think moms on the way...so then ill have some help...have this massive headache...i stuffed things everywhere...have to leave some stuff behind...my mag collections....arghhh....i want them....:'(.....ah well...if i dont have a choice, bye bye..i dont know if i always had this much stuff or if it multiplied over time....honestly i think i shop more when im at home but idk...im sad...i cant believe it...i mean, im coming back next year...im just gona miss the people...bf...friends...guards ;)...small talk...haha...n just the interesting people here...( not that they are all that remotely interesting, just the fact that some crazy stuff goes on here; thats what amuses me).....n my search for me...funny huh...but yeah, wanna figure alot of stuff out...we only have one life to live...so its abt time i make the most of it...so holiday resolutions...insane but yeah, hope it includes alot of discovering, my 18th, xmas, new years and then coll in jan09...i have quite a few plans already...so i guess thats a start...n im in a good mood....plus the headache...so maybe thats a good sign...no random bitchy-ness...haha...im always like that... its outta control....and in many ways...i wanna stop contradicting things i say......i better get back to my mess...