April Fools

I was actually really bummed this year cause i really didnt get pranked. I usually do or well people try to and fail miserably but oh well. i guess times change? i ended up getting a proposal. what.fun. anyways, weekend seems pretty alright this week. i'm still on cloud 9- nothing happened. after the rough week, it feels good to have my feet on the ground again. countdown is like 5 weeks now, till finals and till i know im gonna see my boyfriend again :). theres gonna be tons of craziness in between, as always. but its time to take it all in. have a good weekend, all!

note: if you love someone, dont hesitate to tell them that you do. even if its a zillion times a day and at some point you feel you're driving them nuts. do.it.anyways. why? because you can. do it because you can <3

Surprise.

Today the person who i least expected to give me answers did. things i have been pondering and thinking about for months are now resolved. this.amazes.me.

i guess you should never underestimate certain things, they will end up creeping up behind you and then give you the biggest shock.

of love and things

schedule is going. sick and going nuts.

*for YOU, I will go all out. That.is.a.promise.

Beginnings

being in a new place and being on your own is indeed a challenge. i have been fighting, fighting alot of things every single day. i guess in a way it tests you- to see how strong you really are. i am thankful for the people who have consistently stood by me, but i guess somethings are all up to you in the end. choices, all the varying decisions are all in your hand cause its your future thats in stake. i hate these moments- i hate feeling like it is all up to me when it really is. I hope to clear my head and take all these things down, one by one. Wish me luck!

*Even though were far apart I love you dearly with all my heart.*

tomorrow

all good things eventually come to an end- it is always hard. something that isnt easy but you just have to toughen up and deal with it.

4 more days of spring break-- then back to tortureeee!

of books and quotes

I have been a huge Nicholas Sparks fan for so long now, longer than I can remember. and if you do not know who he is - its the guy who wrote the timeless classic "The Notebook". it is still my favorite movie of all time. this is one of the quotes that is memorable to me

You are the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have.

newness

so i really haven't written in a long time. things have been so crazy in that time span. i've fallen and hit rock bottom; numerous times. i lost my writing voice for such a long time but im glad that its finally back. falling and love and being in love is never easy. and if it is, it either isnt love or you have no idea what you're in for. once again confusion has hit me. im in this situation and all i wanna do is tell the world- share what im feeling. but i cant, cause there are those times in which you gotta not tell because the consequences of that one action may be more severe than anything else. so i guess we'll see. i just keep hoping for the best. that is all you can really do in the end.

make or break?

how far would you go for love? all out and nothing could ever get in the way? whatever you may think, there still are circumstances. not one person is willing to do ANYTHING for another person. well, thats what i think. Cause somehow we still put ourselves first; even before lovers and the ones whom we love deeply.

but how do you know when you want someone for life? when you could go thru anything and still want that person there. and know that you wouldnt want anyone else, that what you have is enough- and what you have is everything to you; something you would never want to lose.

what do you think?

the comeback

so yes, i just checked. the last time i actually posted something-- it was september. which means i have fallen behind by months. I'm backkkkkkk...back for the keeping :). i shall try to update more often.

I'm currently in my second last sem (most probably), unless i decide this is my last sem. then its off to a whole different life...feelings? confusion, excited yet somehow feel like time flies- a bit too fast. this sorta means theres tons of stuff to sort out this sem and next. more headache! i just realized the last time when i posted i said i just celebrated my 9 month anniversary. now its 15 going on 16 months :D still cannot believe it. grateful more than anything though. rambling.

shall use a topic for the next post, keep viewing

love, lust, or in betweens.

haven't blogged in a real long time; for certain reasons that im not gonna get into- but it feels good to be back!

thought alot today, about random things; and decided on a whole lot of other things that i wanna do. made lists. and although i may not achieve or ever want to get all the things on my list in return, sometimes its good to want things. if you dont get what you asked for, and you're still happy, then you've got more than you've bargained for. so thats that. sounds easy? isnt as easy as it seems. you can want, and get less; and still not be happy. why? cause of human nature. always wanting more, more, more.

lust happens alot more than love. and alot of people take it as love. when the feeling wears off, thats that. but other people are lucky- lust turns into love. so its a whole lot more than they asked for or expected from the relationship. other times, the in betweens count more..getting a little bit of both ends. a few pointers on how to be sure you're with the right person?

-> he/she would give anything for you to be happy...even if it means his/her unhappiness. with the hopes that you'd come to your senses eventually, and acknowledge whats right in front of you.

->he/ she would be happy with you, and want or need nothing else

-> know what they're looking for

and of course, not forgetting those other aspects we all know- such as trust, honesty, etc etc.

finals and all the in betweens

finals are coming up...soooooo fast...mine start on the 3rd; which leaves me approximately a week to cram everything in...:(...been more stressed,tired and sick than anything else...yet i still find solace in the smallest things...maybe this is when you realize, that no matter what life gives you or throws at you; life goes on. the world still goes round...even when you break down and feel that theres absolutely no way out! lately i have been feeling alot of this...tensed as hell...weird thoughts...scary dreams...things happening...makes it so hard to keep hold and grasp what is most important...so all i wanna do now, is keep everything on track...and not lose it just yet. some pretty interesting things happened over this week...being terrified over the dumbest thing...witnessing a fight; actually made me think of other things too...had fun with friends...laughed so much :)....which makes me wonder...how come its so hard to feel good at times, at other times so easy...? but its never hard to feel bad? that comes without demand...but in the end, i guess everyone has their fair share of ups and down...so its unfair to feel like life is unfair...but in reality it really is...just not the way you think it is...does that make any sense? even if it doesnt; it sounds about right..plus im not gonna ponder on that right now....its friday night...friday night lights....i love fridays...the fact that the weekend is here; its comforting...but on the other hand, with finals coming up--- i need all the time i can get!

all about the 9's

so yes, 9 month anniversary yesterday....this is for you :)

<3

She was lost in so many different ways
Out in the darkness with no guide
I know the cost of a losing hand
Never thought the grace of God go high
I found heaven on earth
You were my last, my first
And then I hear this voice inside
Ave Maria
I've been alone
When I'm surrounded by friends
How could the silence be so loud
But I still go home knowing that
I've got you
There's us when the lights go down
You are my heaven on earth
You are my hunger, my thirst
I always hear this voice inside
Singing Ave Maria
Sometimes love can come and pass you by
While your busy making plans
Suddenly hit you and then you realize
It's out of your hands, baby you got to understand
You are my heaven on earth
You are my last, my first
And then I hear this voice inside
Ave Maria
Ave Maria
Ave Maria

the return.

is it safe to say that thats the end of the emo posts? gosh, i dont know...guess its too soon to say...so much has been happening...much more than i am capable of handling....the work load has been killing me..you know how sometimes you feel you can do anything? and sometimes everything seems sorta impossible? ive been alternating between the two; a bit too much...i guess some people just dont work well under pressure, no matter how hard they may try...fall into depression so much, fall sick...sometimes i get so sick and tired of it all....wish that for once in my life i could just pause or say "stop!"....but we all know that isnt gonna happen...either give up or try your best to move on....and again; i feel so apologetic...to certain people...for not being there...probably cause at those brief moments, i wasnt even there for myself...that makes sense doesnt it?

prom was fun...had a blast...it was everything i imagined it to be and more...que the mushiness...i mean we all knew it was coming right? it would have been wonderful anyways, cause of him :)..so maybe i didnt get my flowers...and maybe i still bring it up oh so constantly, but it was wonderful altogether! and now what im trying to work on more than anything- trying not to be so helpless....doesnt mean that i give up too fast, just that i tend to lose my sense of direction; abit too easily...then its so hard to regain that strength..

besides all that, the sem is slowly coming to an end...time flies...seriously..advance enrollment is tomorrow...im still deciding on subjects...have tests coming up yet again this week...hopefully dont fall sick along the way...then another short sem...i hate short sems, so hopefully it turns out much better this time around since i know what its like...then yeah- FINALS....the word that throws shivers down your spine...but whatever....im hoping to go watch harry potter this week....on the release date...not because im still a die hard fan, im sure i diverted....but cause i read all the books...and eventhough it gets worse along the way..i told myself i'd continue to watch...cause im not stopping halfway! haha..way for an excuse ;)

so anyways...i gotta get to the studying..constant studying..even over the weekends + friday night...the thought makes me sick...but not like im left with any other choice!

have a nice week and till i write again, bubbye :)

broken-hearted girl?

nope, im not upset...im not broken hearted...ok well, maybe i am.,..but in a totally different sense...it took me so long to write...just yesterday i was like...yes i have something to write about...but when i opened the window; i couldnt...reason being- i didnt wanna reveal too much...maybe its time to let it go..so anyways...ill thank the reason...my boyfriend...a night with him made realize that theres really no point worrying about unnecessary things..things that you arent even that sure of in the first place....and i realized that i wouldnt trade that love...for anything else...you may think its just me being emo as usual...maybe it is...or maybe its the realizations thats knocking some sense in to me....so whats new on this end? the work load is killing me...facing some small issues...but not gonna get into that...getting very annoyed at some of my friends...and right now...i feel so dazed and i dont even know why..sorta like im just floating and i have no idea what im doing...im soooooo excited for prom :)....

just a brief insight.

why just why havent you seen me updating lately? and yes, of course there are reasons...which im not getting into...i just cant get myself to put those thoughts into words...plus maybe at times its better to just leave the past behind...cause it may come back to haunt you nonetheless...so why ask for it? what sorta mood am i in right now? i feel like im loved; at times probably so much more than i deserve....i have so much; more than i need...so why do i complain? its just how human nature is...we love the word MORE...so if so, im one of the fortunate ones...one who has more than others...i sometimes feel like the whole cycle is messed up...like some have so much...yet some have little...some have close to nothing...but thats that...thats how it is...lately, i've realized how much more i want certain things...the things i want...those things i yearn for; scares me...probably more than anything else right now. sorta insane- believe me. so whats been happening lately? whole lotta drama; i mean whats new? then lots and lots of work...tests...have another one this week...sometimes i just feel like giving up...get myself all stressed up...over these things...so then ive been hating inti this weekend...taking over our bathrooms for camp children...then having no water in the morning ( i have panicking; had class at 10! )...and then my AC isnt working...utter crap...im soooo annoyed...cause i find it hard to sleep without aircond...maybe i deserve this...maybe its a lesson of some sort; god i dont know...just have to manage...ahhhhhhh!!!!!!

leaving things behind.

it just suddenly hit me; how much things ive left behind...recently, ive been neglecting so much..friends, family, etc....mainly cause of the -work load....maybe its high time i admit it...things just arent the same and probably wont be for a real long time...as usual...had a test...it went surprisingly well...got some marks back...im satisfied...at least the locking myself in the room is bringing some good...lately i feel like im on emotional roller coaster...like all of a sudden everythings ok; next thing you know, im acting like the world is tumbling down....but in a way, im happy with the changes...i mean you cant expect things to always be the same right? the other issue ive come across is that hardly anyone understands me; understands me for me...it sucks really...but at least there are those who do...and nothing will change the way they feel about me...and for that im glad. on a heavier note, i have my bio test next week...and i wouldnt be freaking out sooooo much if it werent 20%....things at coll have been slow..its like...the week starts out and before you know it; its friday again...i wish time would take a stand still...maybe i want that more than anything right now. to have a little more time. cause its caving in; things are happening way too fast...

curiosity.

so i guess my feelings are sorta in tact now...or more so than earlier...i found it so hard to make a decision...to go see my cousin...but glad that i finally decided...its just with all the work...i seriously dont know what to do anymore...so dizzy...and lately been a bit sick...dizzy..and fever...dont know whats up...since thats planned, im spending tonight with my friend....and theres something thats on my mind right now..someone said something to me...i still have no idea what it means...and as usual, i try to interpret it....try to do some twists and turns and come up with my own assumptions...how far has that gotten me really? have so many mosquito bites, it worries me...today is one of those days; where i feel lost...like i have no idea whats going on...and feel alone...absolutely hate the feeling! overall, im pressured....sometimes, times like these; it seems like too much to ask.

I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
So why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that
I Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough.

and nope, no relationship problems...i can sorta relate to this; in a whole different way.

weekend in the city.

so yes, for a change...not going home this weekend...not gonna be here in college...instead, cousins bday thing...its like having a road trip or something; feels like that at least....gonna be going with my brother....gosh, its been ages since ive seen my family...actually miss them- a whole lot...anyways....it took me a longggggg time to decide what im doing for the weekend...reason being...theres so much work and studying to do....i owe him this, so yes im going...it should be fun...i just wished it feel sometime between the hols...the beginning of the sem is hectic as it is...they are pretty lucky though, school holidays and such...right now...im quite irritated...just one of those times where you feel like you're being ignored...not fun at all....alot has been happening...as usual...dont quite know where to start at the moment; saving that for the next post...have class in awhile..so no point getting all emo. have a fun weekend.

everyone with their problems.

lately it seems like that...or well- its more obvious...everyone with their fare share of problems...i have so many on my end; sometimes i just cant bare it anymore...but im still surviving..so that must be a good sign right? i dont know if its the work load, or other pressures thats causing this...but i wish it would come to an end....im tired of arguing, or feeling like we're arguing when we arent...or when theres absolutely no reason to....everything else seems to be going fine...everythings like so jumbled up; shall update once its all cleared ...till then...take care.

test week

this week is gonna be interesting and down-right hectic..so forgive me if im unable to update as frequently as i'd like...so till then, stay tuned.